Tiktok Archive

I was so scared making that first video. I was worried my kids would hear me. My bedroom is in the basement and pretty well cut off from the rest of the house, but nonetheless I hid on the floor between my bed and the wall and spoke quietly into my phone.

When I hit “post” I was sure no one would see it. The audience in my mind that night was a few random strangers, a dozen maybe, who might stumble upon it someday. My experience with algorithms was minimal but I understood from other apps that no one would really see anything I put out there unless I told them where to go to find it. Things that “went viral” did so because someone had a lot of followers or because they shared it with people. I would be sure not to do that.

I love scifi and one of my favorite shows is Dollhouse. I remember watching it with him and several times relating to the characters. I felt like every day was dressing up and playing a character, the dutiful housewife. And I’d go to bed at night a robot, devoid of my own feelings and personality. I really didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t his bed partner.

Debi Pearl was one of the worst influences on me as a wife. Every word of her books confirmed I was a terrible wife and selfish for yearning for my own desires to be met. It was about him only, always.

“Men, you need to take care of your wife’s need for shopping. If you don’t give her money, she’ll just get it somewhere else.”

There’s a difference between wanting to be sexual and not feeling desire, and being so traumatized by sex you really never want to do it at all.

If we talked to a bank teller the way men talk to their wives about sex.

No one wants to eat pie all the time, we all need a break sometimes, but when your partner is upset with you for not eating it when they want to, and you feel forced to eat it to appease them, you may eventually feel sick from all the unwanted pie.

When my twins were little, they rushed to eat whatever they could find when they were hungry, but I had something better for them if they could learn to wait.

Sex is a wonderful thing when everyone is on board and wants it to happen. When one person is hungry for it, desperate for it, they will seek it in any way they can, often to the detriment of their partner. Patience and love are what lead to really good sex.

It’s difficult to see when you’re in the middle of it. These are some of the signs to look for in a coercive relationship.

For a lot of women who have been sexualized and objectified, there eventually comes a point where even catching a glimpse of another couple engaging physically can be triggering.

After many years of being guilt tripped and shamed for saying no to sex, no headache or fatigue a good enough “excuse” it is common to turn off to all sexual themes. Seeing a mannequin in a bikini or even oneself in the mirror is a trigger. In this video we talk about sex scenes in the movies as a trigger.