@mending.me on TikTok and Instagram

Hi, I’m Nat from TikTok. This is an extension of the work I’ve been doing there since November 2020. Browse around or click below to learn more.

“Sex is for women too”

Marital Coercion is the term I began using when I was learning about sexual coercion and couldn’t find any information about this within the dynamic of marriage and committed relationships.

Call Me

After three years and hundreds of people asking me to speak to you directly, I’ve finally decided I’m ready to talk to you one-on-one. I have tried and failed to keep up with DMs and email all this time and I’d like to be able to help more people.

What are your qualifications?

I have 20 years of experience with a coercive marriage, and the time spent since 2020 speaking about coercion publicly and having conversations with wives and the men who coerce them. I have a great deal of insight into how these men speak and think, and the dynamics at play in many different marriages of this kind. I am not a therapist or other psychological professional, but I can refer you to more resources when you need them.

What advice will you give?

If you have followed me long enough you’ll know I hate to give advice. I know from personal experience that a person has to arrive at things on their own. I can carefully guide you toward your own conclusions about things, but I prefer not to interject my opinions because I don’t know you or your situation. Only you do.

What would we talk about?

Anything you like! My goal is to make you feel seen and heard. Long-term sexual coercion does serious damage and it is so commonly supported, that victims rarely find someone they can talk to about it. I want you to have a place where you can release that pressure and have a friend who gets it. I want to listen and validate your experiences.

If you’re outside of your coercive marriage and would like to talk about dating, spiritual things, or anything else related to what I talk about on social media, I’m all for that too. Just let me know when you book what you’d like to discuss.

The floor is yours.

I’m currently available Friday evenings and Saturdays because I work full time and I’m a mom to three really cool teens, but as I fill these spots I’ll work on opening up more. If you have a specific need for a different day, please let me know and I’ll be happy to work with you.

  • First Time In My 60 Years I’ve Heard Someone Put Into Words How Invasive Your Own “Husband” Can Be.

    TikTok Comment

  • I Was Told I Had To Go To Confession, Which I Always Did. 56 Years And Just Realizing Through You, Not Right!

    TikTok Comment

  • Young Lady, You Have Opened Something Huge Here, Its Become Phenomenal. Wish You Were Around In My Youth. No One Has Touched This Subject EVER!!

    TikTok Comment

  • I Think You Need To Write About This. You Are SO Real And Believable. Millions Of People Need To Hear Your Story Imho.

    TikTok Comment

  • I Just Wanted To Say That You Are Inspirational. I have taken some of your comments to my therapist to open more conversation. Coercion has been happening to me throughout my life. It started with abuse and followed me through THREE marriages. I have felt broken, like something is wrong with me, I mean a “normal” woman wants and enjoys sex, so I must be broken. You opened my eyes! You have helped me so much and now I can work on this in my therapy. Thank you! Thank you for sharing your pain so others can learn. You. Are. Amazing.

    Comment on TikTok

  • Hey. I just wanted to say thank you for your content and sharing your journey with us on TikTok. i realized through your content that I have been actually assaulted and coerced since the very first night. I am in therapy and I have I’m meeting with a divorce lawyer on Monday. I just wanted to let you know that what you do matters a lot

    Direct Message on TikTok

  • You came across my fy page one day and as I listened to your soft, kind voice, I cried until I couldn't anymore. You encouraged me to see family victim services. I can now, with the help from your videos, properly explain what I have been living with for almost 10 years.

    TikTok Comment

  • I just want to say thank you so much for putting your stuff out for others to see. Your tik tok on signs you may be in a coercive relationship came up on my FYP late last night and it has completely rocked my world. I am 43 and have been with my husband since I was 19. I did not ever stop to think and realize that the way things are is abnormal. I knew we didn’t have a loving relationship per se but in my head he had completely convinced me our sexual problems were my fault.

    Direct Message on TikTok

Mending Me Merch

Express yourself with merch!

My Hashtags

All over social media when talking about coercion and abuse I have some hashtags that I made when I started this discussion in 2020. These are sort of like bookmarks or playlists to help you get to all of my content on this topic.

#lovemakeslifelisten

In the middle of the night I awoke with a message that I believe was my initial calling to move into creating content focusing on love. “Your love makes life listen to you,” was the encouragement I needed.

#maritalcoercion

This was the first hashtag I made on TikTok and at the time my main account was banned, over 36 million people had viewed these videos. Now many others are using the hashtag to carry on the conversation.

#sexisforwomentoo

As I began to heal and find my sexuality again I began to talk about how women love sex just as much as men do. We’ve just been brainwashed for centuries to believe it’s something only men enjoy, or that when we do enjoy it, we’re just a slut—unless we’re married of course, then we’re wrong NOT to want it all the time and to enjoy it BECAUSE IT’S OUR HUSBAND. But what I want men to understand is that the most sexual women are the ones who have complete freedom in their body.

#weaponizedmisery

Weaponized misery is something I said in a video early 2021 when I was describing the way my ex would use depression and what he called being “frustrated” to shame me for the times I didn’t want to sleep with him. It’s emotional blackmail. It’s “If you don’t do what I want, I’m going to be miserable and I’ll probably make you miserable too.”

#sexisnotaneed

When I first experienced pushback from the public on this, the most overwhelmingly common argument was that “sex is a need” and so a woman is ABUSIVE to not “provide for” her husband’s needs. This hashtag was rebellion in the beginning, but over time I’ve been able to argue that even if ejaculation were a need, there is no holding someone else accountable to this need with their body.

#natstrolls

This hashtag was a joke initially but it quickly gained traction and had over 2,000,000 views by the time my account was banned. These are the videos that were reported the most as I was being attacked regularly by men angry with me for saying their wife was allowed to say no. I didn’t let them down easy when responding. When they said “i do means consent” I called them rapists. And I’d do it again.

#realintimacyis

Real intimacy is hard to nail down because it looks different for everyone, but in these videos I take usually just 15 seconds to highlight something I find to be intimate and let people discuss in the comments what intimacy looks like to them. Spoiler, it’s not sex.

#thingscoercivemensay

This one I started shortly before my account was banned. This is where I expose and respond to the things these men say to manipulate us into having sex or believing we’re wrong not to.

#woeismen

When men come to my page and leave comments weaponizing their misery, I have no qualms letting them know that’s what they’re doing. Woe is men is my way of letting them know their hurt feelings are no reason a woman owes them sex.

Love Makes Life Listen

On May 17th I had what I can only call an awakening.

I’ve been taken back to my childhood, to revisit truths about the universe I once knew but had shut away to assimilate into the world. Halfway through May 2023, I was shaken out of my body and into dreams and music and meditation, to see things I had previously not allowed myself to see. My Christian conditioning told me these things were of the devil and would send me right to hell on earth if I entertained them. I’ve been processing all of this since and discovered a calling. I believe the work I started on TikTok in 2020 was the start of my healing and a calling to help heal others. I talk about this on TikTok @mending.me and in my newsletter on Substack.

Comment Bingo

This is a fun game for my Tiktok page, or Instagram or other social media too. Anywhere you see comments like these relating to sexual coercion, make a note of them and play the game!

It doesn’t have to be word-for-word, just the same general sentiment. It’s just for fun. Shout BINGO in the comments on one of my videos anytime

Click the image to the right to enlarge and download it.

Get Immediate Help

If you’re in a dangerous situation, even if you’re not in physical danger but find yourself confused and shaken by emotional abuse, please see the resources below for more help.