Love Makes Life Listen
2020
In 2020 I started talking to TikTok when no one else would listen. My husband of 20 years had just moved out and I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, trying to figure out what to do next. I couldn’t think. So I spoke instead.
“Sex is for women too”
2021
I spent the next year learning about sexual coercion and how religion and misogyny and patriarchy had taught my husband and me that my body belonged to him once married and my bodily autonomy was second to his sexual pleasure.
Marital Coercion is the term I began using when I was learning about sexual coercion and couldn’t find any information about this within the dynamic of marriage and committed relationships.
2022
After a year separated, we divorced and I began a self love healing journey in which I did a deep dive into various therapies while continuing to build a platform on the topic of marital coercion. I also wrote the Marital Coercion Playbook that year.
You empower me. Keep talking. I need to hear it over and over and over.
I just want to say thank you so much for putting your stuff out for others to see. Your tik tok on signs you may be in a coercive relationship came up on my FYP late last night and it has completely rocked my world. I am 43 and have been with my husband since I was 19. I did not ever stop to think and realize that the way things are is abnormal. I knew we didn’t have a loving relationship per se but in my head he had completely convinced me our sexual problems were my fault.
Young Lady, You have opened something huge here, its become phenomenal. wish you were around in my youth. No one has touched this subject EVER!!
2023
Year three, I started dating again, stepping out in faith with a man who turned out to be everything I didn’t know I wanted in a man. neither of us were ready for anything serious and we separated, but that short relationship catapulted me into a spiritual awakening.
2024
Awakening to unconditional love, I began channeling messages through poetry. I began sharing everything I was learning about love and fear, and intuition with the hashtag #lovemakeslifelisten.
I self-published my book, Love Makes Life Listen in November.
My Hashtags
All over social media when talking about coercion and abuse I have some hashtags that I made when I started this discussion in 2020. These are sort of like bookmarks or playlists to help you get to all of my content on this topic.
#lovemakeslifelisten
In the middle of the night I awoke with a message that I believe was my initial calling to move into creating content focusing on love. “Your love makes life listen to you,” was the encouragement I needed.
#maritalcoercion
This was the first hashtag I made on TikTok and at the time my main account was banned, over 36 million people had viewed these videos. Now many others are using the hashtag to carry on the conversation.
#sexisforwomentoo
As I began to heal and find my sexuality again I began to talk about how women love sex just as much as men do. We’ve just been brainwashed for centuries to believe it’s something only men enjoy, or that when we do enjoy it, we’re just a slut—unless we’re married of course, then we’re wrong NOT to want it all the time and to enjoy it BECAUSE IT’S OUR HUSBAND. But what I want men to understand is that the most sexual women are the ones who have complete freedom in their body.
#weaponizedmisery
Weaponized misery is something I said in a video early 2021 when I was describing the way my ex would use depression and what he called being “frustrated” to shame me for the times I didn’t want to sleep with him. It’s emotional blackmail. It’s “If you don’t do what I want, I’m going to be miserable and I’ll probably make you miserable too.”
#sexisnotaneed
When I first experienced pushback from the public on this, the most overwhelmingly common argument was that “sex is a need” and so a woman is ABUSIVE to not “provide for” her husband’s needs. This hashtag was rebellion in the beginning, but over time I’ve been able to argue that even if ejaculation were a need, there is no holding someone else accountable to this need with their body.
#natstrolls
This hashtag was a joke initially but it quickly gained traction and had over 2,000,000 views by the time my account was banned. These are the videos that were reported the most as I was being attacked regularly by men angry with me for saying their wife was allowed to say no. I didn’t let them down easy when responding. When they said “i do means consent” I called them rapists. And I’d do it again.
#realintimacyis
Real intimacy is hard to nail down because it looks different for everyone, but in these videos I take usually just 15 seconds to highlight something I find to be intimate and let people discuss in the comments what intimacy looks like to them. Spoiler, it’s not sex.
#thingscoercivemensay
This one I started shortly before my account was banned. This is where I expose and respond to the things these men say to manipulate us into having sex or believing we’re wrong not to.
#woeismen
When men come to my page and leave comments weaponizing their misery, I have no qualms letting them know that’s what they’re doing. Woe is men is my way of letting them know their hurt feelings are no reason a woman owes them sex.
Get Immediate Help
If you’re in a dangerous situation, even if you’re not in physical danger but find yourself confused and shaken by emotional abuse, please see the resources below for more help.
